Happy Valentine's Day!

 

Valentine's3-ba1969

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! I began my “love day” by reaching into a box of heart shaped, conversation candies, and pulling out two. One of them read “Magic” and the other read “Believe.” Quite naturally, the heart candies, along with my broken heart, got me thinking about love and what it really is. Is it the “magic” chemistry between two people, or the “belief” in love that two people share, that magically makes it work? I had originally planned to spend the day in bed, wining and dining myself as I sat and watched love stories and cried my heart out. However; my thoughts on the candy hearts and my confusion about love soon changed my mind. Instead, in honor of this great romantic tradition, and to help myself heal from the pangs of love and despair, I decided to research what love is in hopes that it would help me get to the bottom of the meaning behind my feelings of love.

I’m sure we’ve all felt it, or heard of someone who has. You meet a member of the opposite sex, or the same sex, and you’re immediately attracted to them but you can’t explain why. Or, after a long, first encounter, you decide to kiss your date goodnight, only to be immediately hooked. That’s right, as the song goes, “It was in their kiss.“ In both instances, you walk away from this person, on a natural high, running to inform your friends that you’ve found “magic!” If you’ve ever felt this way, you’ve no doubt ably, felt the pain, frustration and confusion involved with being so magnetically drawn to another person but not understanding why. It can wreak havoc on your social life and even turn your world upside down. But is this love?

According to Sheril Kirshenbaum, a research scientist at the University of Texas and the author of the new book "The Science of Kissing" (2010) “a good kiss can work like a drug, influencing the hormones and neurotransmitters coursing through our bodies. It can send two people on a natural high by stimulating pleasure centers in the brain. The feeling has much to do with a neurotransmitter called dopamine, which is responsible for craving and desire and associated with "falling in love."… Kissing also promotes the "love hormone," oxytocin, which works to maintain a special connection between two people; kissing can keep love alive when a relationship has survived decades, long after novelty has waned. In other words, kissing influences the uptake of hormones and neurotransmitters beyond our conscious control, and these signals play a huge part in how we feel about each other.” So the “magic” that we feel in this type of “love” is actually based on chemical or hormonal attraction, also known as pheromones.

Robert A. Johnson, noted lecturer, analyst, Jungian interpreter and author of “We” (1983), defines love as “the power within us that affirms and values another human being as he or she is. Human love affirms that person who is actually there, rather than the ideal we would like him or her to be or the projection that flows from our minds. Love is the inner god who opens our blind eyes to beauty, value and quality of the other person. Love causes us to value that person as a total individual self, and means that we accept the negative side as well as the positive, the imperfections as well as the admirable qualities.” So in this sense, love is blind and unconditional. But can this type of love stem from a “chemical attraction?”

After reading and pondering on both interpretations of “love” I believe that love can encompass both. It can begin as an initial “chemical” attraction but end with a mutual belief in love, and each other. I believe that real love is magical, in that it encompasses the power of two people believing together, and that mutual love can manifest anything this couple puts their minds to. Love is also magical in that it is willing to, or sometimes forces you, to overlook the imperfections of your mate. When this happens love becomes magical in that it can break down all barriers and create a place of “pure, “ “innocent,“ and unconditional love. What better ending to a fairytale than that? "With one sprinkle of her magic fairy dust (love) the fairy was able to transform the world!"

References:

Johnson, R. A. (1983). We: Understanding the psychology of romantic love. NY: HarperCollins

Kirshenbaum, S. (2010). A kiss to build a year on - if your brain's chemistry agrees. [Electronic Version]. The Washington Post. Retrieved February 14, 2011, from http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp- dyn/content/article/2010/12/23/AR2010122302203.html